its always been so difficult for me to just sit back and do nothing while everyone is out there having the time of their lives. i dono i guess i've been able to handle it pretty well for the past two weeks but its Halloween damnit, the best fucking holiday out there. just walking around evil as shit trying to wreck as much shit as possible. wow this sucks. i love this day and im here. sitting. eating. watching fucking stupid Friday the Thirteenth marathons. yea, thats my idea of fun. i still sadly have the urge to be out there getting fucked up. i dono i just realize its not much fun without it...i assume that i'll simply have to grow accustumed to this slow moving, realistic, sober lifestyle. its really taking a toll on my mind for some reason. i can see clear this is true, and its great dont get me wrong, but i miss whats out there right now. i miss being with everyone all the time. i mean i havent seen half of the people i really wanna be with for a really long time.(in my mind) i miss being able to walk about just having fun walking you know? and i dono what kind of affect this is gonna have on me and the boy. ultimately, it seems as if its starting to distance us and that to me is a sad, sad thing.(despite what all of you really know what i should do) i dont know, its just killing me and i really just want to talk to the kid for more then like 6 minutes at a time again. i would just give up every fucking drug forever in my lifetime to just be with everyone freely. to just be out there and have one of those crazy ass prodigy conversations with some spyder. i just feel like fucking some people up because i hate when everyone acts like they care about you and want to make you happy, and then they dont act on it. i wish someone would have visited me...
-lonely(dingus)